Stories

At the Laughton Fayre, many women told us of domestic violence which they or women they know have suffered.

These stories were terrible. I can't write about them here, because it would break confidence.

But it seems that beneath the surface of England, there is much that is not good going on.

This makes me more determined than ever to build Ruth House.

Promotion weeknd

We have just spent 3 days at a very large county fayre, promoting Ruth House.
Hundreds of women stopped to talk, and everyone felt that what we were doing is right. So did many men.

Isn't that encouraging?

Frustration

One of the biggest problems I face with Ruth House is frustration.

I know it is a vital issue, and I know what I have to do, but I can't seem to get it done.
I need women to help me, but, generally, they don't help me. I need leaflets circulated, but even asking women to take some to their home group, or place of work meets with "No." I've no idea why.

I understand the sensitive nature of this issue, but sunlight is the best cure. Let's bring it right out into the open. Let the women who are being abused tell us the ugly truth. Let's all bear the shame and the sorrow, and let's all rise up and fix it. But I can hear it now. "How can he know - he's a man!" That seems sufficient excuse to shut the door.

Why do I feel I am wasting my time writing this?

It's my fault

I have been reviewing material written by women who have been abused. Not a very nice experience, for them or for me. Again and again, I read that ther women get into a position where they believe that they deserve what is happening to them.

Smashed against the wall again,
no more than I deserve.
Beaten with the poker,
no more than I deserve.
Suffocated with a pillow,
no more than I deserve.
Made to feel so filthy,
no more than I deserve.
Stripped and thrust and battered,
no more than I deserve.
Bleeding on the carpet,
no more than I deserve.

You see,
you must understand,
it's my fault.

Beautiful black women!

I have just joined this group on Facebook. If you have come here as a result of that, then welcome!

Ruth House is a hostel for women who have been victims of violence in marriage. If you go to the archive, and read the first posts in this series, and read through, you will get the idea.

There is only one hostel in Ghana, for 30 women.

The need is great.

Christian Resourses Exhibition

Ruth House was our main feature at the CRE. Thousands of brochures were shared, and there were many conversations about Ruth.

We are following these up. We are hoping to get some publicity in a variety of Christian publications.

Unfortunately, we didn't seem able to attract the attention of Premier Radio. They seemed more concerned with interviewing "celebrities." As we refuse to play that game, we didn't get an interview. Fortunately, many of the visitors found Ruth irresistable, so we didn't need the radio.

I just discovered that there is one hostel for women in Ghana, which can sleep 30 people. One hostel! Read it again - ONE! Women are coming from hundreds of miles around to try and get in. Ruth House is desperately needed.

Telling it as it is

I do encourage women to write in to this blog. Send your posts to me, jimsmithghana@yahoo.co.uk

Today, a woman from Holland ( no names published) sent this for us to think about:- As I understand Ruth House will be especially used for women who are a victim of domestic violence. But there are also many women who have been abused as a child.

Official numbers in Holland:

1 out of 3 women has been forced  to undergo or perform sexual acts before her 16th year.

1 out of 7 women has been abused in their youth by family members (incest).

 

In my scientific research it appears that 34% of the 134 women has disclosed before their 18th year, 66% as an adult. On average it took 17 years for the women to talk about the abuse for the first time!

 

May the Lord bless you,

HOPELESS

When you look into the darkness, 

and all you see is darkness,

 what hope is there?

HURTING REAL BAD

Like a vice

fear grips

and strips

my beauty

 

All pain

no gain

 

Trust?

Thrust

crushed

 

Tears

fears

broken

It's about hearts

I have been reading the terrible story of the rape of Tamar. It's in the Bible, but you don't need to read it to know it. A man raped a woman, because he wanted to. Then he dumped her. The consequences for her were desperate.

That's what we are up against. Men abusing women, and then ignoring the devastating consequences. Recently a Ghana paper -  the Daily Graphic - told a story of a man who raped his wife, and then poured acid on her vagina. I find it really hard to write such a thing, but we have to deal in reality.

Ghanaian women don't need our money - they need our hearts. They need to know that we feel the pain of this and countless other viscious attacks on them. They need to know that their voice is being heard. Are we listening? 

“Please”

 

My pain is so great,

my voice a silent scream.

My body is broken,

 my spirit torn.

Like a chocolate wrapper,

I’m thrown away.

What hope is there?

What help

to heal my hurt,

too deep for words?

 

“Please”

The beginning(3)

Later in her life, Ruth longed to be under a stronger protection – the protection of a good husband. She went and slept at the feet of a man called Boaz, and when he woke up and found her there, he was, naturally, surprised. But she said to him, "I am Ruth, your maiden; take me under your protecting wing.”

 

That’s the other function of Ruth House, to be a strong protection for the broken women, a place of long term security and safety. We cannot hope to provide long term help yet, but Ruth House will continue to hold out a “protecting wing” to those women that God sends. Short term and long term, we will be there. Perhaps in the future we will have to build a long term place of safety for those women who, despite our every effort, can find no rest.

 

 

Our longing is that the women of England will pay for this

project, as a way of saying to black Ghanaian women,

"We understand, and we want to help." This will mean

everything to the broken women, and, I hope, give them

courage, in time, to take a stronger stand against violence.

 

The beginning (2)

Ruth House. The background

 

Rev. Jim and Mary Smith started working in Africa over 15 years ago. Eventually, their work settled in Ghana, where they were able to buy land and build their main mission base – “The Pearl.” During this time, they met women who had been victims of violence inside their marriages, but this seemed, on the surface, to be an acceptable thing. Then the government, under pressure from many people, both men and women, passed the “Violence against women” act, making violence against women within the marriage unacceptable. A campaign started to build refuges or hostels where women caught up in violence, could find shelter.

 

                                         Refuge from the violence

At this point, Jim and Mary felt a strong thrust from God to build a hostel for such women on or near their base. We were meeting and teaching women who were victims of violence, and we wanted to do something to say to them, “We, in the West, believe this is wrong. We want to help.”

 

So the idea for Ruth House came into being. We have bought land for the house, and we have had proper plans made. Our concept for Ruth House is simple. We are going to build an African style house, with 6 rooms, communal washing and eating facilities, and 24 hour security. We see Ruth House as a temporary stop over - a chance to get out of the cycle of violence, and a chance for other family members, medical and social services to get involved. Fortunately, we will have a full time nurse on our base, which is just next door, so instant medical help will be available.

 

                                Why “Ruth?”

 

We chose “Ruth House” because it represents something very powerful in the heart of God. Ruth, a young widow, went into the fields to gather up corn left behind by the harvesters. This was a dangerous place for her to be, and she could have easily been assaulted by the male harvesters. But the owner of the field said this:  "Listen, my daughter. From now on don't go to any other field to glean—stay right here in this one. And stay close to my young women. Watch where they are harvesting and follow them. And don't worry about a thing; I've given orders to my servants not to harass you. When you get thirsty, feel free to go and drink from the water buckets that the servants have filled."

 

She was safe under this protection, from any instant harm. That’s what we believe God wants for the broken women of Ghana - he wants to offer a place of protection from harm. That is what we will provide.

 

The beginning (1)

One Tuesday night, we were running a teaching course in Accra. There were about 50 people there, and Mary spent some of her time teaching and encouraging women in Christian things. One couple there -  a wife and daughter -  were very interested, and we had a good conversation with them.

 

The next day they were both back, but the daughter had a very beaten and scarred face. Shocked, we asked what had happened. The mother replied “Her husband beat her for coming to this meeting.”

 

                          Marital violence

 

This was the first of a number of such experiences we have had while working in Africa. Sadly, domestic and marital violence against women happens. I hesitate to put any figures on it, but the United Nations  estimates, that as a global average at least one woman in every three,  over one billion, have been beaten, coerced into sex or abused in some other way, most often by a husband or another family member.

 

But what is clear is that women are beaten, often badly, within the marriage. This violence often shows itself on TV within domestic “soaps.” Beatings, eye gouging, facial damage – these are familiar images on TV. They are so awful,  that we have often asked for them to be turned off in airports and eating places – much to the amazement of the staff, who seem happy with this kind of thing.

 

                                     Domestic violence bill

 

The Government of Ghana has now passed the “Domestic Violence Bill”, and posters have been appearing saying “Stamp out domestic violence.”  This is a great step forward. At least the Government are now saying that domestic and marital violence against women is wrong. Saying it is one thing -  changing attitudes might take a bit longer. (To read more, put “Ghana domestic violence bill” in any browser.)

 

The Nation now needs to establish “Houses of refuge”, the kind of refuge which we have here in the U.K., where the women can at least escape the violent situation, while efforts are made to resolve, or at least improve the situation.